#9

I feel like im so useless .forget it on me not able to get over you ,forget on me not able to forget you ,forget on me everytime thinking of you and i go 'emo' ; i cant even control my own emotions well.

well ,i cried in school today again .or should i say i teared .reason? because i saw that guy 'look like you' guy and yea i teared. i mean i know its really stupid and foolish behaving this way. its been so long since thing happened but yet i cant even move on ,i cant even control my emotions ,i cant even live happily like how i used to.

im really so sick and tired of living in such suffering life. i need to breathe ,i need to have a break ,i need to begin with a new life and leave the past behind. but its easier said than done .so much of saying ,but i just cant do it. i really hate myself for being such useless bitch .sometimes i really want to forget everything ,like literally everything .just to start a new life .

sometimes i wish i dont have any feelings ,i wish i wouldnt love -this way ,i might prolly live a happier life.

放不开 看不见未來 。。。

#8

Was it just fated ,is it something good or bad ?idk im really confused ,lost and empty .Almost half a year things happened ,been almost half a year i last seen you and at somewhere near our last memories ,we met .or should i say i was the only one who met you cause you didnt see me .

Idk how to explain my reaction the moment i see you .i was shocked i should say .i didnt expect to even see you at such place ,such day ,such time .if it wasnt for my sis &co ,if it wasnt for your friend ,i guess i wont even see you that night. my sis&co. wanted to go over ,your friend walked pass and i recognised him.

The moment i see you ,i grab my sis and told her .she got excited too .but seconds later ,my hands starts to tremble ,real badly and my tears unknowingly flow down my cheeks .i cant control my tears ,i cant control my emotions even when im out. sticks after sticks ,shots after shots.

Purposely walking pass you ,wanting you to see me but you just didnt. I dont get all these that happened ..
But i was glad that i get to see you ,even if i cried .its been so long since i see you .you look almost the same .with the same studs ,dressing ,maybe hairstyle i should include .
but there's one thing you're not the same - you're no longer mine ,the one i can hold on to ...

我们的缘分真的侭了吗 ？。。

#7

Have you moved on ?are you seeing other girls since you left me ?do you think of me at times ?do you miss me ,miss us ?do you miss the times we spend together ? -such questions always pop in my mind ,leaving me hanging .

I know there's no reason for me to hang on for you for so long and i should have already moved on ,but knowing is different from doing it .Its easy to know ,but its just so hard and difficult to do it .
Sometimes i still dream of you .are these nightmares ,or the sweetest dreams ?sweetest nightmare ,maybe ?

Recently my phone went cray and guess what ,our only left whatsapp conversation *poof* gone .yea the only thing left was gone and i've got nothing left for me to look back to when i miss you .

Recently in school ,i cried twice for you .first i saw this guy ,with the similar hairstyle you had reminded me of you. tears immediately flow down and they cant stop no matter how hard i tried. next after i had dance class ,suddenly reminded me that you went for dance classes too back then ,reminded of how we used to be back then. i tried to hold back my emotions and not to show it out and i succeed .but guess what ,i still broke down in the end. and again uncontrollably tears flow down my cheeks non stop.

I hate how i am like this. i hate how people see this weak side of me. when people care for me i feel like they're pitying me .idk why would i become like this. its so hard for me to believe someone ,its so hard for me to accept someone's care and concern towards me. i push people away in any way i could. is this because of the hurt you've caused me ,that caused me to be like this ?

Its been so long since things happened ,time flies .i dont blame you if you've moved on and being with someone else .i mean isnt it normal for someone to move on after time passed ,in addition not contacting with that someone at all ,right ?or maybe im just so easily replaced ,because i cant seems to move on a single bit ,i cant seems to be the one i was before we met .

I really miss you ,i really do ..