#9

I feel like im so useless .forget it on me not able to get over you ,forget on me not able to forget you ,forget on me everytime thinking of you and i go 'emo' ; i cant even control my own emotions well.

well ,i cried in school today again .or should i say i teared .reason? because i saw that guy 'look like you' guy and yea i teared. i mean i know its really stupid and foolish behaving this way. its been so long since thing happened but yet i cant even move on ,i cant even control my emotions ,i cant even live happily like how i used to.

im really so sick and tired of living in such suffering life. i need to breathe ,i need to have a break ,i need to begin with a new life and leave the past behind. but its easier said than done .so much of saying ,but i just cant do it. i really hate myself for being such useless bitch .sometimes i really want to forget everything ,like literally everything .just to start a new life .

sometimes i wish i dont have any feelings ,i wish i wouldnt love -this way ,i might prolly live a happier life.

放不开 看不见未來 。。。

#8

Was it just fated ,is it something good or bad ?idk im really confused ,lost and empty .Almost half a year things happened ,been almost half a year i last seen you and at somewhere near our last memories ,we met .or should i say i was the only one who met you cause you didnt see me .

Idk how to explain my reaction the moment i see you .i was shocked i should say .i didnt expect to even see you at such place ,such day ,such time .if it wasnt for my sis &co ,if it wasnt for your friend ,i guess i wont even see you that night. my sis&co. wanted to go over ,your friend walked pass and i recognised him.

The moment i see you ,i grab my sis and told her .she got excited too .but seconds later ,my hands starts to tremble ,real badly and my tears unknowingly flow down my cheeks .i cant control my tears ,i cant control my emotions even when im out. sticks after sticks ,shots after shots.

Purposely walking pass you ,wanting you to see me but you just didnt. I dont get all these that happened ..
But i was glad that i get to see you ,even if i cried .its been so long since i see you .you look almost the same .with the same studs ,dressing ,maybe hairstyle i should include .
but there's one thing you're not the same - you're no longer mine ,the one i can hold on to ...

我们的缘分真的侭了吗 ？。。

#7

Have you moved on ?are you seeing other girls since you left me ?do you think of me at times ?do you miss me ,miss us ?do you miss the times we spend together ? -such questions always pop in my mind ,leaving me hanging .

I know there's no reason for me to hang on for you for so long and i should have already moved on ,but knowing is different from doing it .Its easy to know ,but its just so hard and difficult to do it .
Sometimes i still dream of you .are these nightmares ,or the sweetest dreams ?sweetest nightmare ,maybe ?

Recently my phone went cray and guess what ,our only left whatsapp conversation *poof* gone .yea the only thing left was gone and i've got nothing left for me to look back to when i miss you .

Recently in school ,i cried twice for you .first i saw this guy ,with the similar hairstyle you had reminded me of you. tears immediately flow down and they cant stop no matter how hard i tried. next after i had dance class ,suddenly reminded me that you went for dance classes too back then ,reminded of how we used to be back then. i tried to hold back my emotions and not to show it out and i succeed .but guess what ,i still broke down in the end. and again uncontrollably tears flow down my cheeks non stop.

I hate how i am like this. i hate how people see this weak side of me. when people care for me i feel like they're pitying me .idk why would i become like this. its so hard for me to believe someone ,its so hard for me to accept someone's care and concern towards me. i push people away in any way i could. is this because of the hurt you've caused me ,that caused me to be like this ?

Its been so long since things happened ,time flies .i dont blame you if you've moved on and being with someone else .i mean isnt it normal for someone to move on after time passed ,in addition not contacting with that someone at all ,right ?or maybe im just so easily replaced ,because i cant seems to move on a single bit ,i cant seems to be the one i was before we met .

I really miss you ,i really do ..

#6

It's been awhile since we last really chatted, you seems to be moving on, with someone else replacing me. it hurts me a lot seeing that person you gave your attention to most wasn't me.

Someone ever told me, if you truly love someone, even if it takes you to let go and leave them, no matter how much it would hurt yourself you'll still do it. For the sake of their own happiness. Your own happiness no longer mean as much as your own's.

Since you're ald having someone else who can make you happy, go ahead. Even if it hurts me each time I see things about you and someone else, as long as you're happy; that's good enough.

Know that no matter what, I'll be there for you. As long as you're willing to turn to me, I'm willing to be your best listening ear, your best accompany when you need someone, the one who will never leave you alone, the one who is willing to be there for you anytime 24/7.

You'll always be in my heart, my mind.
Do what makes you happy, be with the one who can make you whole. Iloveyou

#5

Its really sad when one says they're just used to it ,instead of moving on 

Idk why isit so difficult to be out of love once you're in .it's like i've changed into someone else 

idk where have i been ,the one everyone knew 

i can feel that im no longer the one i am previously 

Been almost a month since we last contacted ,looking at your tweets makes me feel like i've been replaced .you found someone else ,your new source of happiness ,of why you look forward to everything .

Me ?im still stuck here ,cant move on ,cant get used to it that youre no longer by my side ; no longer my source of happiness but my sadness ,no longer my reason of waking up everyday to your 'goodmorning baby' text ,no longer why im happy ,no longer the one i turn to whenever something happens ,no longer my bestf ,no longer my shelter ,no longer the one i love ,no longer the one who will take care of me nor me giving all my care for you .

I've been thinking of what we had ,been drinking to take all the pain away ; making myself drunk just to forget the hurt ,even its just a lil while i do it because that lil while really mean a lot to me .ive been suffering all these while and its been months .i cant get out of it .even if theres something to make me happy ,it couldnt be compared to how you always make me smile .theres nothing else ,no one else that could replace you .im so used to how you always make my day so effortlessly ..

From the first day i had this strong feeling about us ,but maybe you dont that's why you broke us up .

There's nothing like us ,there's nothing like you and me together ..there's nothing that could replace you 

#4

Sometimes idk isit my fault that we've became like this. I hate how I see things that shouldn't be seen by me. What do you mean "I hope we last " ?I know you're not referring to me because we haven't been talking lately.

It really hurts to see things like this or photos of you with other girls. I thought escaping, I would feel better but no I was wrong. I'm feeling terrible everyday without fail. 

People don't understand what I've Been through and they judge me for who I am now. I've really Been through a lot, but I'm still stuck here with all the past memories, past love, past you.. 

Idk should I ask, I'm dying to find out but I'm really afraid to face the truth. Maybe you've really moved on to your next chapter of life while I'm still here living in  the past. I can't move on ,I can't forget any lil bit of you and us. I always put on a mask whenever I'm with someone, even my own family member. 

I can't face the world, I can't face the reality. Im no longer the one I am previously. I'm so hurt that I've changed to someone I myself don't even know. 

I really hope you're not having someone else out there because I'm still here waiting for you. 

I really miss you, so so much, B.koy 

#3

Maybe love made me become childish ,or maybe the pain i had changed me that i became like this .i thought that if i go 'mia' you would contact me more but i was wrong .i realise we actually talked more back then compare to now ,or maybe its just because it was the 'start' 

Maybe between us there will never be another chance for us to be back together like how we were months back ,or maybe not even close to each other .sometimes i really yearn for your attention so much ,sometimes i wish we never had what we had before so at least now we can still be close .seeing your friends having the attention from you really saddens me .they dont have to yearn for your attention and the can have it ,but here i am yearning for your attention ; even just a lil i still dont get it 

I always think that our end ,your decision ,is caused by me .i always thought that giving you my care and concern ,my time ,my love ; sacrificing my rest my work for you etc can keep you by my side and never lose you .sometimes i even 'push away' my plans just for a meet up with you .thinking doing all this you'll love me more and never leave me .maybe i was too naive thinking this way - you left me anyway